Our First Halloween Without You

ByJoni Bouchard
Rasta Will and "a scary I dont' remember who?"
Rasta Will and “a scary I dont’ remember who?”

Monday, October 31, 2011 (162 days)

Hey Willy,

It’s Halloween today and one of your favourite days of the year.  What could be more perfect than a sack full of candy and a bona fide chance to be silly ALL day?!  A definite shoe-in for an almost perfect WillBilly day… the only thing missing would be snow.  And guess what?  …when I woke up this morning it was snowing!  But you already know this, don’t you, Will, because I believe that maybe, just maybe that unexpected, little blanket of white on the grass and on the roads this morning was you, wasn’t it?  I took it as a sign that you wanted to remind us that you are here today in some way and I have to also say that I love that you also showed your little Mr. Blue Sky side and melted the snow before the trick-or-treaters came out this evening.

Dad and I were unsure of what to do tonight, thinking it would be really difficult for us to answer the door and hand-out candy when all we could think about was that you should be out there too, with your buddies, going door to door for the big candy haul.  The two questions we wrestled with were 1) what can we do to lessen our pain today and 2) what would you have wanted us to do?  Well, we answered both questions and put the big Halloween bucket on the front porch with heaps of candy (little chocolate bars and tootsie rolls) and a note that said “please share the fun and only take one… or two”.  Then Dad and I and Ben met Justin at Earl’s in Westhills and we shared a lovely dinner together.  We talked fondly about how you’d have made it to every home in Redwood again this year and that your pillowcase of candy would have been it’s fullest and heaviest ever.  We laughed about the ritual of coming in at the end, tired from walking, but high on sugar and excitement, and how you and your brothers would empty your candy onto the floor in the middle of the living room to begin the sort ritual while Dad would try to steal your favourites.  And then the candy rationing would begin and last for days and weeks and sometimes months.   Sometimes some (ahh, lots) would even end up in the garbage.   Oops, I must confess, Willy.  Surely candy can’t last forever without going stale and seriously how much candy does one really need?!

Halloween is difficult.  Another hallmark Willy day because you loved it so much.  Halloween will never be the same without you here.  Halloween without you is like salt without pepper, or peanut butter without jam.  It will never be right.

Love you, Will.  You were missed by so many today and mostly by us.

Momxo

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    Today as I let 2017 out the back door and welcome 2018 in the front door I want to thank you. I thank you for following me around this past year and for sitting on my left shoulder where the boy angels sit, constantly whispering in my ear, “Mom, I love you and you can do this.” You have never waned in your ability to assure me that indeed you are near and that the veil to the other side is thin. Through closed eyes and an open heart I have seen your boyish smile and heard your mischievous giggle when I have called your name. You have taken me by the hand and pulled me through my hardest days of this year and sat with me and offered me comfort when, no matter what, I just had to cry. I have come to know that there will always be moments when it is unbearable to live my days with you on the other side. But I have also learned that you’re right, somehow I can do this.

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    Your light is bright, Will, and I trust with my whole heart that you will continue to guide Dad and me and your brothers as we live here on this side. Tonight I will search for your star — the middle one on Orion’s Belt in the Orion constellation that shines the brightest in these winter months — and I will pause and say thank you and tell you that I love you more. I know you’ll be with me tonight as I say goodbye to 2017 and hello to 2018. And I know you’ll be with me tomorrow and the next day and the next and the next… on my left shoulder and in my heart where you’ll always be. When I lay my head on my pillow at the end of this night I will dream of the day when we meet again face to face and how beautiful that embrace will be. The very best part about that day will be that instead of being on my left shoulder you’ll be in my arms.

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    Momxo

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  • Fish For Dinner

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  • A Lazy Morning With and Without You

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  • September and Socks

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    Hey Will,

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  • There is always love…

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0 Comments

  1. Willard, I missed you so that day too. Every year when James & (mostly) Kurtis decorate our garage I talk to you and remember you coming up the driveway & through the spooky maze with your buds. There was never time to talk much that night…after all, you can’t waste precious candy -getting time!! Besides.. who wants to hang with their teacher on hallowe’en night!! UGH!! ANd we got to enjoy that cool costume at school during the parade of costumes. You still make me smile- I will never forget you. xox Mrs. F.

    Reply

    1. Halloween will never be the same. Will loved that day so much. Free candy! Are you kidding me? He was all over it. Sure miss my little monster. Thanks for sharing your story, Lynn.

      Reply

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