My Special Invisible Glasses
Friday, July 12, 2013
Hey Will,
One of the hardest parts of losing you is watching time pass. The world keeps turning; days turning into weeks and then to months and when I note the date or have to write it on something I shake my head – still not believing that its been two years (actually, 2 years, 52 days). It seems like yesterday and forever at the same time. I carry-on (somehow) most days but it isn’t without you on my mind every minute of every day. I guess it is true that you are a part of me; a part of me that will be forever, and I find comfort in believing that as a mom and a son we are inseparable always. Innately, I look for you everywhere I go, like I have special invisible glasses that can see you in the smallest of things. Yesterday while walking through the woods I stopped and took notice of all the different hues of your favourite color, green, that surrounded me; so many trees, tall and short, big and small, both deciduous and coniferous, the bushes abundant with leaves of all shapes and colors of, yes, green. The forest floor, also green, was covered with plants of all types, new shoots, moss… like a green carpet covering the dark brown fertile soil that provided a rich contrast to all the greenery. It was beautiful; Mother Nature at one of her finest. You’ll like this part, Will, for in the next heartbeat, I shuddered to think how many insects (for me, just a nicer sounding word for bugs) there were all around where I stood and instantly I thought how that wouldn’t have bothered you at all. On the contrary, for surely you’d have looked for the bugs, the spiders, the creepy crawly things, and found the “ickyness” written all over my face quite entertaining. I felt you with me in that green world and I laughed to myself knowing that while I was noticing all of the green stuff, you’d have been looking at the forest quite differently. You’d have been looking at the tree trunks, and the branches, wondering how and where you could get up in there and climb, wondering how high you could go without a worry in the world.
As my eyes were diverted back down to the ground, they were drawn to a little white flower that sprouted up and out of the soil. It was small with feathery leaves; bowing its head in my direction… and through my special invisible glasses I saw you. I frequently notice the little things now – like this little white flower, little blue butterflies, even the beauty in a single raindrop; things I’d have not really thought twice about before. Somehow these invisible glasses also give me a double vision; I see things through my eyes and then through yours. When I stop to look at the beauty in little things, I see you looking back at me and for a moment time stands still. Then when I blink, you’re gone. I used to cry, straining so hard to find you, to see you, but now I trust that you are there and that I will see you. It’s a lesson I am happy to have learned for when I tried to see you in the big picture I could never find you. I know you are never far from me, Will. We are inseparable, held together by an invisible thread. You will always be my Will and I will always be your mom. No one can ever take that away.
Love you little son/sun… like a bus and a little white flower in a green world.
Momxo
The Cord
We are connected, my child and I,
By an invisible cord not seen by the eye.
It’s not like the cord that connects us ’til birth,
This cord can’t be seen by any on earth.
This cord does its work right from the start
It binds us together, attached to my heart.
I know that it’s there, though no one can see
The invisible cord from my child to me.
The strength of this cord is hard to describe
It can’t be destroyed, it can’t be denied.
It’s stronger than any cord man could create
It withstands the test, can hold any weight.
And though you are gone, though you’re not here with me
The cord is still there, but no one can see.
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised, I am sore
But this cord is my lifeline as never before.
I am thankful that God connects us this way
A mother and child, death can’t take it away.
~ author unknown ~
Discover more from Joni Bouchard
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
On one of my last visits with her we talked about you. Actually, your name would frequently come up. For as long as I knew Dina she’d ask about you and your brothers; so genuinely interested in all of you. She was at peace with dying and was always more concerned about those she’d leave behind down here. We would talk about how she would see you and how she would make sure you were brushing your teeth and wearing clean socks. She told me she was going to look out for you.
I’m sure you’d remember her when you saw her and when you did you’d notice that her heart was larger than most everyone’s. She was a beautiful woman who made the world down here a better, kinder place. She was a super cool lady and I know you’ll love spending time with her. She’ll make you laugh, Will. And she’ll buy you ice cream and new shoes. She’ll want to take you to the rainbow bridge to show you her beloved dogs – Max and Sammy. She loved those doggies and I think she’ll be spending a lot of time throwing balls and sticks. Perhaps, you could help her with that. Sticks and balls… boys and dogs… yup, it’s not rocket science. ..
Thank you for fluttering along beside me on my doggie walk today, Will. I love when you do that. And thanks for inviting Dina along with you. Through fresh tears for my friend and my never ending tears for you my heart did smile and dance a little.
Come back soon, sweet boy. You know where to find me and I’m always looking for you.
Love you, Willy. Like a bus full of little blue butterflies x a million. And the yellow ones are pretty adorable, too.
Momxo
There is nothing more powerful then the bond between a mother and her child. Especially (and I am little biased) between a mother and her son. What a beautiful writer you are Joni, such an inspiration. And thank you for the reminder to see the beauty in the little things. They are, truly, all around us. Love and Hugs, Kaylie xoxo