Mother Nature and YOU!

ByJoni Bouchard
Your Forever Friends
Your Forever Friends Riding For You

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Dear Will,

It’s been a bit since I’ve written but that is no reflection of how much I’ve been thinking about you. There is no part of any day that you are not on my mind. Your memory lives there and is part of my every breath. And I’ve certainly not stopped talking to you in my quiet moments, most times out loud.

Will in the middle of it all
Will in the middle of it all

Last weekend we held your annual Ride For Will and one thing I want to know is how much you had to do with that chaotic weather?? I know the large snowflakes that fell on Friday morning were you, always the teaser, the taunter, the boy who loved snow so much that given the choice of a warm sunny day, you’d take the snow every time. You got me as I looked out the window to see the white stuff falling and before I got my iPad and hit record video I swear I could hear your mischievous giggle… you know the one – the one right before the panic that got you running to my side for protection from your brothers when you’d pushed their buttons one time too many.

Saturday started out so promising, so nice with the sun waking us that morning. You, little Mr. Blue Sky shining down on us as we set up for registration and put the tents up in the sports field to house the bake sale and the medics, the face painting and the PA system. “Just in case” is always our reasoning and because we all know that June in Southern Alberta can deal all kinds of weather my fingers and toes were crossed that you’d be the boss of the weather. This time, maybe that weather task was too big for you and next year, maybe you could ask the big guy up there for some help? I wonder, does the big guy trump Mother Nature?

The good news is that nothing could dampen the spirit that surrounds your Ride. I am in awe at those that continue to support us through this event. The young and old, your school friends and ski buddies, family and friends, all those that gather in your memory and remember and those that didn’t know you, but feel like they do through your story and the good that we are doing in your name and your memory. It is a big bittersweet day for us; a day so full of love and missing you that no harsh weather could diminish. I couldn’t help but smile at all the muddy grins on faces dotted with mud and all the muddy stripes on the backs of the riders as they finished. For you, a bike and a mud puddle meant fun and it was evident that those that rode saw it that way too (or had no choice but to!).

I love you little Mr. Blue Sky. Even when Mother Nature overrules you. I guess when it comes to the weather she really is the boss. Stay on her good side, Will, as she can be quite unpredictable! And that’s one mother that you don’t want to make angry!

Love you like a bus rippin’ through the mud.

Momxo

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  • Fish For Dinner

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    Tuesday, November 15, 2011 (177 days) Dear Will, We’re having fish for dinner tonight and oh, how you disliked fish.  Remember how you’d complain how much we have it?  Weekly, for sure, and on that day you’d hope for a dinner invite at a friend’s home so you didn’t have to even look at it.  I’d never let up on getting you to “just try it”, and even on those rare occasions when you’d succumb to my relentless Read More “Fish For Dinner”

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  • Inhale… Exhale…

    Will's Grade 7 School Photo copy 3
    Will’s Grade 7 Photo
    December 6, 2015     Dear Willy,   A month has passed since I’ve put my words to you in a letter, however, that certainly doesn’t mean that you haven’t been in my thoughts… its quite the contrary as you are on my mind every minute of every day. Like my breath, I inhale thoughts of you, hold them for a moment, and then exhale wishing that things were different. Inhale. Exhale. In. Out. Every breath.   It is early Sunday morning, the sun is still sleeping and there’s still a hush throughout the house and the neighbourhood. I am full to the brim of thoughts of you. So full that I couldn’t create more room without telling you how much I love you and how much I miss you. For a few weeks now there is a white blanket of Willy covering the ground and I’m thinking this blanket of Willy is here to stay for the winter. Each time you blanket us with more snow I imagine how happy you must be up there stirring up a big dump of beautiful, white crystals and how excited you must be when you dump them on us and on the mountains so that Dad and your brothers can do what they love to do and what you loved so much too. The mountains are beckoning them…. It’s early season and they are hopeful that you’re up there trying to figure out how to send more of the white stuff to the mountains.   With December comes Christmas and the hustle and bustle of the season has begun. Yesterday I spent the day shopping and it hit me numerous times how difficult it was when we had to somehow find a way to get through Christmas without you that first year. Gosh, those were sad days and I remember how hard it was to even step foot into a shopping mall. I attempted twice and both times abandoned the stores and ran out to the car to catch my breath and to cry. It makes me think that we’ve come a long way from that first Christmas without you and though it’s still difficult and still sad we’ve a whole new way of celebrating the holidays, having adopted new traditions with you in the centre of all of them.   For now, I’ve pushed my Christmas list aside and am basking in thoughts of my morning with you. Early this morning I felt you so close to me.  I lay there quietly for a long time with my eyes closed, imagining myself calling your name and watching you run towards to me. A wise and beautiful friend has told me that the veil is thin between you and I and I hold ever so tightly to that belief. One day, Will, at the end of my breaths here on Earth you really will come for me and I will see you, and I’ll hear you. You’ll be running, as will I, with arms open wide and once again I will be full and not broken. Until then I’ll take these moments with you and I’ll breathe. Inhale. Exhale. In. Out. And I’ll hold onto each and every beautiful memory that I have.   I miss you sweet boy and I love you so very much. Bigger than a bus times a million.   Momxo

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  • Love Bursts

    Love burst
    A love burst memory of a ski day in Fernie

    December 31, 2016

    Dear Will,

    Well, sweet One, December has been quite a month. For me (your Type A Mom!) it was a month that will go down in the books as one that reminded me that even with all of the best intentions sometimes plans can go sideways and coming up with a Plan B can be good, too. I will also remember this December as one that beckoned even more strength than usual. With the holiday season our broken hearts seem more broken than ever and I realize that the jagged edges of losing you have not smoothed over time. Some things are just not possible and not having you in our earthly world will always be the most painful thing to endure. No matter the day, the month or the year.

    In mid December your biggest brother became ill and we learned that his appendix had unfortunately burst. With that came an emergency surgery followed by 11 days in hospital. Not only did he spend his 28th birthday in hospital but as Christmas Day approached there was the probability that he would have to remain in hospital due to the serious abdominal infection he was fighting. It was an easy decision to accept that we’d forego Christmas in Fernie as Christmas without Justin was never an option.

    My favourite gingerbread boy. The one you made.
    My favourite gingerbread boy. The one you made.

    So Plan B ensued and Dad dug out the tiny artificial tree from the basement and brought up the box of Christmas decorations that I opened only once since losing you. That box held all of the special handmade ornaments that you boys made in kindergarten and elementary school – those special Christmases when magic pumped through your veins and through our house right down to bells on boots and zipper pulls, special Santa pillowcases and advent calendars and boxes and cups of hot chocolate stuffed with marshmallows while reading Christmas books in our jammies. The first Christmas without you I’d pulled out only a few to take with us to Fernie where, out of mere survival and the need to have certain special things in our midst, we began a new tradition. Our new Willy Christmases are all about you. Your Santa hat or toque has replaced the angel figure that used to grace the top of our tree and we adorn the tree branches with all of our family ski passes over the years. Each year I have added sparkly snowflakes of all colors and sizes, fuzzy snowballs and the glitteriest things I could find. All the while I’d not forgotten that at home was that very special box of Christmas treasures and one that I knew one day when I was ready I’d open again and cherish more than I had ever before. Well, that day did come and though I might not have been ready it seemed the right thing to put on our little tree. And so I did. And it was beautiful, Will.

    As each day brought us closer to Christmas we continued to pray that Justin would be well enough to come home and each day we’d hear again the “not today” news. We decided that if Justin couldn’t come to us, we’d take Christmas to him. With a heavy heart on Christmas morning I went upstairs to bathe and dress so we could go to the hospital and when I came down the stairs what to my wondering eyes should appear, but Justin and Amy sitting on the couch in our living room in front of our little tree. There were only two things I could do, Will. One was to cry and the other was to hold on to the stair railing so I wouldn’t fall. For the rest of my life I will always remember that moment of surprise and how my heart burst. Oh, how I love a love burst! We had a wonderful day complete with Christmas dinner and though Justin needed to return to hospital that evening we knew that if they’d allowed him a day pass that a hospital discharge was not far away. Our wish came true the next day.

    As I look back now this last day of 2016 I think about the love bursts of the year and am refilling my heart with the happy moments that will help sustain me as I flip the calendar to a new year and another painful reminder of the passage of time. I think about all of the signs you continue to send our way — the magical rainbows, the sunspots and the beautiful sparkly snowflakes that can only be you. I think about another successful Ride For Will and how your legacy just keeps on keepin’ on. I think about Justin marrying his Amy and the girl that we are delighted to have as part of our family. I think about Ben and the love for the outdoors that is his passion and the exhilaration and anticipation that comes with completing his last year of university. I think of Dad and how we continue to hold each other in happy times and how we find comfort in each other’s arms when the world is too much to bear. I think of Finn and how much joy he brings to our home and I swear that lurking behind his knowing eyes are your eyes and a place I often look to for love bursts. For all of these moments I am grateful and when I wake tomorrow to 2017 I will continue to fill my heart with all of these moments while I search for and cultivate more.

    I love you, Sweet Will. Like a bus full of love bursts and sparkles and glittery things and all the things that I cherish most in my life… you, your brothers, your Dad and our big, brown dog.

    Momxo

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  • Dancing in the Rain

    IMG_0284Saturday, July 23, 2011 (8 weeks, 6 days) Hey little sun, After a night of hearing the steady, hypnotic pitter patter of rain through my open bedroom window, I woke this morning to the sun trying to push the clouds out of its path on what appeared to be a mission to make the day a sunny one rather than another day of clouds and intermittent rain.   The raindrops still hung in the trees and time seemed to stand still; the only thing moving was my chest rising up and down with each breath and a raindrop here and there falling from the trees to the ground below.   As I lay in my bed staring out of my window at the treetops as I do most mornings, a branch way up high was sparkling like crazy.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of it and so, I played a game (oh, you’d like this, Will, another game!) where I would close my eyes for five seconds and then re-open them to see if I could find the sparkle again.   The sparkle always caught my eye.  Though I knew it was a raindrop playing with the rays of the sun, I imagined that it was you way up high in the tree, saying, “Hey mom, look at me, look at me!  I’m up here and I see you”.  Each time I closed my eyes or looked away the sparkle again would draw me to that branch.  As that sparkle danced in the sunshine I watched and watched, and I was drawn into this little dance with you.  You are a sparkle, Will.  Always were and always will be. Keep dancin’ little sun — for me and for all who knew and loved you and will forever. Love you like a sparkly bus, Momxo  

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  • Enough of the Snow Now!

    snowman
    Kathleen and I and YOU (the snowman!)

    April 15, 2017

    Hey Will,

    It’s April.

    It’s Spring.

    And it’s snowing.

    Again.

    Even though living in Alberta all of my life I know that I shouldn’t be surprised to see snow this late please, please, enough of the snow now. I know that the snow you are bestowing upon us is you letting us know that you are here with us. I get that you’re messing with us and that you’re up there laughing yourself silly. You’ve made all that abundantly clear but I’m begging you to please put that snowmaking machine away and give us some blue sky and some green grass!  Sigh…. oh how happy I would be. The first few times I saw snowflakes after a big melt I did laugh and think it was funny (kind of?) but it is becoming less funny now.  I get how much you loved having the last word and how much you love snow but how about you get out your soccer ball now!?  Or your baseball mitt?  Or your bike!?

    will billy 3731.jpg
    Baseball in the Spring. Note the green grass!
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    Soccer. Note the green grass!

    This weekend is closing weekend for the ski resort in Fernie and though the base is still big and healthy thanks to you it IS time to put away your skis. I’m pretty sure I’m speaking for the masses (other than maybe your brother, Ben, who also loves winter).  Last week was brutal. Waking up to 8 inches of the white stuff when just the week before Dad thought it safe to take my winter tires off while I was happily getting used to wearing my shoes without socks. I couldn’t help but think how that was pretty darn nice.  The birds were singing in the early mornings – a joyous cacophony of the sounds of spring waking up the world after a long season of winter.

    will 6532.jpg

    Please, little Mr. Blue Sky, hang up your skis now. Put the snow machine and all your magic snow potion in the back of your big heavenly closet up there and work on making the grass green.  You’re a funny one, Will. Always were and still are but it is time for you to send those wee blue butterflies down for a visit.

    As you know I love you more than anything and I miss you every minute of every day. Each new season brings me a season closer to being with you and once my days down here on earth are done and I’ve joined you up in heaven I promise we can go crazy with that snow making machine and I won’t complain…. but until then sweet Will, please put that sucker away.

    Love you like a bus, Willy. Parked on a patch of really green grass.

    Momxo

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  • A Special Boy and His Special Dog

    Our big brown dog, Finn, and our best dog friend

    Wednesday, May 15, 2024

    Dear Will,

    In an already heartbreaking month for us, yesterday was a heartbreaking day.

    Out of nowhere, Finn’s health had been rapidly declining over the last few weeks and after a handful of visits to the vet clinic, late last week, we learned that our vet believed he had brain cancer. Through collaboration with the other vets at the clinic, they pieced together his rapidly changing symptoms and everything pointed to a tumour in his brain that was causing a domino effect of pain and complications. She told us he would not get better and that his condition was degenerative. What she couldn’t tell us was how much time he had left. In the most compassionate way, she prepared us for what was to come and we decided that keeping him comfortable while giving him all the love we could, was paramount and what we wanted.

    On Monday, Finn began trembling and had fallen a couple of times. That night, while pawing my knee and wanting my hand, he stood before me and stared at me through his tired and ailing eyes. He wouldn’t take his gaze off my own eyes, supplicating my full attention… literally, it was like he bore a hole through my soul and, honest to God, Will, in that moment he asked me to help him go to you. He conveyed that it was his time and his message could not have been more clear. And, he did the very same to Dad. Already missing him, I could not stop crying.

    That night, Dad and I made the heart-wrenching decision that it was time to say goodbye to our best dog friend. With the help of our amazing vet, Finn crossed the rainbow bridge and into your arms yesterday afternoon. Through uncontrollable tears, and the biggest bittersweet moment, I imagined you finding each other and how happy you both were. Finn gets to be with you now and you get the best dog you could have ever asked for. He will give you love beyond what you could imagine, Willy. I have read that dogs only live as long as they do because of how much love they give and that if we, as human beings, had the same capacity to love, we’d only live as long as a dog.

    There is no question that he loved us unconditionally and in return, we loved him right back. He was the perfect dog for us and he came to us at the perfect time. I would even go so far as to say that after losing you, he saved us. He anchored and held us in our loss and through our grief. Suffice it to say, I will always miss my anchor and my best dog friend.

    Nothing was easy about yesterday. The only good thing was that after twelve and a bit years, you got Finn and he got you. Endless sticks and balls and walks with you and endless treats from Pa. No pain, perfect eyesight, no cancer. Just immense love between a special boy and his special dog.

    Enjoy your new best friend, Willy, and as I sit in a puddle of tears, know that I am happy for you and for our Finn and that one day we will all be together again.

    I love you, and Finn, like a bus and more than all the love he shared with us. And, there’s more, Willy. That love is also bigger than a bus and more than all the love shared between a special boy and his special big, brown dog.

    Momxo xo

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