Yesterday and Forever

ByJoni Bouchard
Will and Kathleen... and now she's graduated from high school. Where did the time go? Yesterday and Forever
Will and Kathleen… Yesterday and Forever ago

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

 

Dear Will,

 

It’s been a tough couple of weeks. It’s always tough, but these two weeks have just been tougher. I know that Kathleen’s high school graduation was part of it… gosh, you knew so many of those kids and they just seem so grown up now. And that’s it. They are grown up and you, little Blue, are still 12 ½ in my mind.

 

When I look at your friends I think to myself, “where’d the time go?” and in the next breath it feels like eternity. I’ve said many times to many people that it seems like forever and yesterday all at once and the only thing that separates the forever and yesterday is a moment. Our good friends lost their 19 year old son 5 weeks ago and when I think of them as I often do it feels like yesterday that we were beginning the horribly sad road that they have just found themselves on. It all comes back to hit you again when you wonder if you would even have the strength to have to begin again.

 

Today, it feels like I’ve been on this road forever with no end in sight. 1,509 days have passed and I still wish it was all a bad dream or that you’ve been at a sleepover or at camp for 1,509 days and tomorrow maybe you’ll be back. Of course, that’s not true. No one does that. Sadly, I can’t book a trip to come and see you and I can’t put a circle around a day on the calendar that I can pick you up from the airport from a long trip. The reality is that I don’t know when I’ll see you again; I only know that one day I will be at the end of my life here on earth and you will be the first person I see on the other side. The visual I have of our sweet reunion is the most beautiful vision I hold. It is quite literally what keeps me going.

 

Oh, Willy. I miss you like yesterday and forever and love you like a bus on its way to there.

 

 

Momxo

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  • So… I Did a Thing!

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    All your whispers and encouragement from friends and family over the years have suggested that sharing my journey might help others through their own grief and also provide them with a wonderful perspective about life and the parts of it they can and cannot control. The reminder that life is fleeting and fragile is one that bears repeating. Living and loving without regret and choosing to see and celebrate all the little things along the way matter—and when you lose someone you love they, ultimately, are what matters most. Collectively, all those gentle nudges were getting stronger to ignore and so, Willy… I did it! I published our story.

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    I miss you, my sweet boy, but I see you and I hear you. And… I love you like a bus wrapped up inside the sky-blue book covers of a mom-son love story about us. 

    Momxo

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0 Comments

  1. Hello to my friend, how can it possibly be high school graduation time for Will and where does the time go? I can see the man face showing in this picture of Will with Kathleen, maybe because I didn’t see him frequently, the last couple of years he was here.
    You don’t need me to remind you that you and your family should take some solace in the good work you have done over the last 1509 days. You have not sat with your head in your hands, rather, You have helped many through the Will Power foundation and you have also helped many people deal with horrific loss in their lives. You may even have helped more of us deal with future losses we will all experience. As always, my heart goes out to you when I read this letter though I find instead of a sad start to my day, one of your letters read first thing with my coffee makes a more thoughtful start to my day, and that is a good thing.

    Reply

    1. Thank you for your words, Lori. They have made me smile as I drink my morning coffee! Am trying to see the positive in everyday even when I’m feeling down. Honoring Will through his Foundation has been an amazing venture. It is a place to put our energy and our love and through that help others. It keeps his memory in front of us instead of behind where some may forget the boy who will always be a part of me. Man oh man, I miss you Lor. I want to catch up as soon as I get home from Maui at the end of the month! Again, thanks. I’m still smiling…

      Reply

  2. Beautifully written Joni. You are the strongest and most amazing person I know. I look up to you in every way. I know that each day is a challenge for you but still your ability to help others through your letters, your Pajama program, Will’s foundation and mostly just being there when someone needs you is incredible. I’m honored to call you my very best friend. Loads of love and hugs, always, M.

    Reply

    1. Mary, I don’t know where I’d be without you. You are the safe place I need when I falter and the soft place I need when I fall. Murray is grateful for you too cause he’s glad you’re there for me too. It’s difficult for him to hold me up when he is struggling to hold himself up. I am lucky to have you. And oh so grateful. You are the best Thelma in the world!!

      Reply

  3. Hi.Joni I don,t know if you got my first message, your letter to your little boy was just so beautiful. My many thoughts are with you. Along time friend Evelyn.

    Reply

    1. Hello Evelyn! Thank you for your note. It’s been a long time but of course I remember you. How could one forget the many, many figure skating costumes, etc. Those were fun times alright. Hope you are well “my longtime skating Mom”! XO

      Reply

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