Baby Steps and Back Home

Will, Murray, and Ben at Cannon Beach, Oregon (July 2010)

Will, Murray, and Ben at Cannon Beach, Oregon
(end of July 2010)

August 16, 2013 (818 days)


Dear Willy,

Dad and I and Finn didn’t make it to Cannon Beach, Oregon as we’d planned because your brother became quite ill and ended up in the hospital with viral myocarditis.  The last day of our vacation in Hood River was full of telephone calls and texts from Ben and Justin keeping us abreast of what was taking place back home.  When Ben ended up being admitted to hospital, Dad and I knew we needed to come home.  I know you get this and I’m even thinking that you already know the whole story… as I am quite certain that in some special Willy Angel way you were watching over Ben whilst keeping us safe on our long drive home.

Once home and when we learned that Ben was going to be fine, I was trying to make sense of all that had happened and I think maybe I wasn’t yet ready to visit Cannon Beach again.  All summer, I was guardedly looking forward to that part of our holiday but as the day crept closer I found myself welling up with tears at the thought of being there without you.  It is a beautiful and special place as it was where you saw the ocean for the first time and seeing the ocean was something that you always wanted to see.  Just thinking about it made my stomach feel shaky and my heart feel heavier than usual.

Knowing that we needed to go North back to Canada instead of West felt right as I knew that home was where I needed and wanted to be.  Next summer we will try again to get back to that special place on the ocean; and maybe in another year it’ll be easier.  We still take baby steps, Will, trying so hard to move forward when all we want is to go back to when you were with us here.  If only we could… you know we would.

Miss you little one.  More than a bus.


4 thoughts on “Baby Steps and Back Home

  1. Hi Joni, I am so glad wee Ben is ok what a scare that must have been.
    Looking forward to seeing you in a couple of weeks, love Lyn.


    • Yes, wee Ben is good. Just heard from doctor re his follow-up echocardiogram and ultrasound and all is good. No damage. Looking forward to seeing you too. Gonna be quiet in our house. …another change…


  2. Hi Joni: You write so beautifully…. I am so sorry that your son was sick. You must have been really worried especially since you were so far away and had to wait a long time to see him. So glad he recovered! I hope that next year you can make it to your special beach next year. I guess this year wasn’t your time to go. Thinking of you and sending hope, strength, and big hugs…


    • It’s so nice to hear from you, Cheryl. I’ve missed our banter back and forth. My son, Ben, is ok. Doctors say he will be fine. It was scary being so far away. Moms need to be close to their babies no matter how old or how big they are. I know you get that. Next summer we will try again to get to Cannon Beach. It will happen when it’s supposed to. Thanks for your comment, Cheryl. One day I hope to meet you so we can chat face to face!


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